Friday, June 8, 2007

Goodbye my buddy...

Bad news from the vet. Dudley has liver failure. There's no pill to fix the problem. There's a slim chance the problem might be coming from a lump (he has several lumps... not the nasty "OMG" kind you see on some dogs). The lump can be surgically removed... if it actually exists. Come on I can't justify surgery on a 16 year old dog! So other than licking a tad of peanut butter from my finger this morning the dog has had no nutrients for several days. Occassionally he'll raise his head and move to a new position, but the toxins that are certainly running through his body have put him into a drunk or drugged type state. It's really sad.

I'm a mess.

On the way home I stopped at the Depot with the intent of picking out one perennial to plant in memory of Dudly. I did pick out a 'neon' Sedum, which I've often admired during my route, for Dudley. But what if it dies?... I'd be devistated. And what about my past dogs anyway... Major, Lefty, and Sammi... just because they died in the off season does that mean there is nothing to memoralize their existance? Or is it because this is the last dog to die that has me feeling so blue? Maybe it's like a new born baby... the one that is adored and has all the pictures taken. The further down the baby line you go the less attention and less pictures there are; ask any younger sibling. Of course my theory is the reverse while I'm trying to apply it to death. If you have two siblings and one dies do you feel the urge to become closer to the remaining? No this isn't a person.... it's a dog. But a very well loved dog. He is after all my baby. To hopefully memorilize him and his "siblings" forever, I planted the Sedum, some short growing Dianthus 'Firewitch' and Liatris which was in bulb form. I figure the 4 plants and 35 bulbs should be enough.

The evening of his last full day on this earth was spent mostly in the front yard with me. He slept and I drank beer and now we're both in a drunk/intoxicated state. I held him and told him how much he meant to me and what joys he's brought me throughout the years. I forgave him for making me angry like when he'd occassionaly pee in the hall after I'd just let him out and for constantly waking me up in the middle of the night. He's been a great dog; offering me never ending compassion and companionship, laughs and that bond that is created when two beings rely on eachother. For a stray dog at 1.5 years old, I've been very fortunate to have him a part of my life for his next 14.5 years.

I'm going to miss you little buddy.

No comments: